1
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,208
Communication‐‐It's Important
To Any Successful Relationship.

2
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:09,810
It's True Between People
And Between A Company

3
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,311
And Its Employees.

4
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,646
Debbie.

5
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,880
Relax.

6
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,048
Breathe.

7
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,650
Turn.

8
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,020
Hello. I Wanted To Communicate
To You An Idea I Had About

9
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,455
The Meals‐Ready‐To‐Eat
Project.
I'm Sorry. It's My Fault.

10
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:25,358
What's Your Fault?
I'm Not Prepared To Have
A Meeting Right Now.

11
00:00:25,391 --> 00:00:27,728
Oh, No. We're Not Having
A Meeting. We're Just‐‐

12
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,730
I'm Not Prepared.
I Wish I Was.

13
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,633
Because When I'm Not Prepared,
I Get Nervous And Repeat‐Y.

14
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:36,537
Repeat‐Y.
Why Don't I Just Jot My Idea
Down And Send It To You?

15
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,404
(Giggles)
That Would Be Fantastic.

16
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,941
Fantastic.

17
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,910
She Gets A Little Nervous
Around Me.

18
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,012
Luckily, Talking To Debbie
Isn't The Only Way

19
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,514
We Communicate Around Here.

20
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,750
There's Also The Memo.
(Keyboard Keys Clicking)

21
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,986
(Woman) Memo 314‐‐
Employees Must Not Use

22
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:56,890
Offensive Or Insulting Language
In The Workplace.

23
00:00:56,923 --> 00:01:00,527
"Employees Must Now Use
Offensive Or Insulting Language

24
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,729
In The Workplace"?
This Has To Be A Mistake.

25
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,698
Why Would The Company
Want Us To Swear At Each Other?

26
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,633
Well, Maybe They're Trying To
Make The People At Work

27
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:11,037
Seem More Like
A Realfamily, Butt‐Munch.

28
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,374
Yeah, This Is Gonna Be Good.
Like Everything
The Company Does To Us,

29
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,242
It's Gottabe
About Saving Money.

30
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,245
Maybe When Someone's Called
A "Lazy Sack Of Crap,"

31
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:22,482
They Work Harder So They
Can Just Be A "Sack Of Crap."

32
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,317
Oh, This Is Gonna Be
A Problem.

33
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:26,286
People Here Follow Memos,
Especially Since

34
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,789
That Memo Came Out Saying
People Have To Follow Memos.

35
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,191
Thisone Is Gonna Cause
Potty‐Mouth Chaos.

36
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:32,726
Oop, Ted's Gearing Up
For A Burst

37
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,327
Of Middle‐Management Leadership.

38
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,697
Out Goes The Chest,
Up Goes The Chin...

39
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:40,867
I Am Going To
Go Get This Fixed.
And Away.

40
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,570
(Sighs)
This Whole Memo Thing

41
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,072
Is Bringing Up
This Strange Sensation.

42
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,542
It's Like
My Feelings Are Itchy.

43
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,077
Oh. Sounds Like
Something Human Is Trying

44
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,579
To Fight Its Way
Out Of You.

45
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,247
Yes, I Think
It's An Emotion‐‐

46
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,850
Like Joy Or Spicy Food.

47
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:59,553
Technically, Spicy Food
Isn't A...

48
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:03,023
So What Is It About The Memo
That Brings All This Up?

49
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,191
(Inhales Sharply)

50
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:07,861
Well, It Reminds Me
Of Another Memo Five Years Ago,

51
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,463
When I Was Promoted
To This Job.

52
00:02:10,496 --> 00:02:12,465
I Was Up Against
This Man‐‐Walter‐‐

53
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:14,234
Who Had The Same
Last Name As I Do,

54
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,803
Although We Pronounce It
Differently.

55
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,005
There's Another Way
To Pronounce "Palmer"?

56
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,407
In His Family,
The "P" Is Silent.

57
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,309
I Think They're Dutch.

58
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:26,312
Sounds Like Their Stupid
Handiwork, With Their Cheeses

59
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,915
And Their Giant
Propeller Buildings.

60
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,051
So Walter... "Almer"?

61
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,654
I Know. Those People
Are Unbelievable.

62
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,623
Anyway, They Announced
The Promotion In A Memo,

63
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,458
Congratulating
"V. Palmer,"

64
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,393
Only Then, It Went On
To Wish Him Well.

65
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,863
I Put Through The Paperwork,
But I've Never Known

66
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,166
Whether That Job Was
Really Meant For Me Or Walter.

67
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,569
Maybe That Itchy Feeling
You Have Is Guilt.

68
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,805
Guilt Is A Powerful Emotion.
Every Thanksgiving, It Makes Me

69
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,808
Take Three Planes Just So I Can
Visit My Racist Aunt Cookie.

70
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,544
So This Is Guilt, Huh?

71
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,513
In The Past, I've Always Just
Counteracted This Feeling

72
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:02,683
With Other Emotions,
Like Sugar Or Drunk.

73
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,586
You Should Talk To Walter.
Maybe Find Some Way To Help Him.

74
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,854
Guilt Is A Terrible Thing
To Carry Around.

75
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,057
Well, I Do Hate
This Feeling.

76
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,160
I Hate It Like I Hate‐‐
Don't Tell Me.
The Dutch?

77
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,197
I Don't Hate The Dutch.
I Love The Dutch.

78
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:20,033
That's Why I Hold Them
To A Higher Standard.

79
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,137
I Don't Know Where
This Memo Came From...
(Sighs)

80
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,139
But It's Obviously A Mistake,
So I Was Hoping Human Resources

81
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,809
Could Put Out
A Correction.
We'll Look Into The Matter.

82
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:33,146
Really?
No. The Company Doesn't Make
Mistakes Like This, Mr. Crisp.

83
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:36,416
What About That Memo
Announcing "Casual Fribsday"?

84
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,553
The Company Said
That Wasn't A Mistake.

85
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,355
They Explained That The Ancient
Mayans Prophesized Fribsday‐‐

86
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,357
The First Ever
Eighth Day Of The Week,

87
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,359
Which Will Occur In 2024,

88
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,462
And The Company Believes
Should Be Celebrated Casually.

89
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,898
I'm Going To Wear
A Denim Pantsuit.

90
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:55,168
And When They Urged
All Employees To "Carpoop"?

91
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:57,538
Thatwas Not Mandatory.
Thank God.

92
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,640
Although, We Did Find Out
What People Will Do

93
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,242
To Park Slightly Closer
To The Building.
Mm.

94
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,879
So You're Not
Gonna Help Me With This?
Sorry. I Like The Memo.

95
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,481
All Day Long, I Have To Listen
To People Like You Complain.

96
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,984
Now I Can Finally
Tell 'Em What I Think,

97
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,053
You White‐Toothed
Ken Doll.

98
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,855
You Know,
Having White Teeth

99
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:17,457
And Looking Like A Handsome Doll
Is Not Exactly‐‐
Turd‐Hat.

100
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,459
Fair Enough.

101
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,461
(Ted) The Company Wasn't
Going To Retract The Memo

102
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:23,964
Telling Employees To Be Rude
And Abusive, And That Meant

103
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,900
Things Were Going To Get Very
Confusing For Phil And Lem,

104
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,536
Who Unfortunately
Never Read Their Memos.

105
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,672
And So This New Line
Of Meals‐Ready‐To‐Eat

106
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,373
Gives The Soldier
In The Field

107
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,742
A Portable Meal With All
The Home‐Cooked Flavor Of

108
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:39,345
Something Mom Used To Chemically
Dehydrate And Vacuum Pack.

109
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,047
I Was Looking At The Ingredients
And I Was Wondering

110
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,650
If There's Enough
Protein Content, You Boob.

111
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,919
Excuse Me?

112
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,454
I Was Wondering
About The Protein Content.
But Then You Said...

113
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,224
You Boob.
There It Is.

114
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:53,226
I Suppose We Could Add More
Protein To The Thing We Call

115
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:56,062
"Beige Block Three,"
Or "Stroganoff."

116
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,364
It's Got Plenty Of Protein,
You Big‐Eyed Stick Insect.

117
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,400
The Problem
Is The Vegetables.

118
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:03,670
Okay, Fellas, Let's Just Try
To Keep It Under Control Here.

119
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,972
Don't Listen To These
Bucktoothed Hillbillies.

120
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,875
Taste Is The Real Problem.
It's A Battlefield,
Not A Four‐Star Restaurant,

121
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,878
Back‐Alley Crab Muffin.
Okay, I Gotta Ask...
What's Going On?

122
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,848
Because This Meeting Is A Lot
Saucier Than The One Yesterday.

123
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,751
Looks Like Somebody Didn't
Get The Memo.
(All Chuckle)

124
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,520
He Asks
A Simple Question

125
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,722
And You Give Him
Sarcasm From The '80s?

126
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,990
Here.

127
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:28,862
Oh, It's An Actual Memo.
They Want Us To
Insult Each Other... Sir?

128
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,698
Ugh, That Wasn't
A Good One.

129
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,800
But In My Meetings,
That's Not Going To Happen.

130
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,736
But The Memo Said
We Had To.

131
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,539
Well, We're Not Doing It
In Here, Pudberger.

132
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,340
What?
That's His Last Name.

133
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,683
So Veronica Went Down
To The Basement...
(Sighs)

134
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:52,352
Hoping She'd Feel Better
If She Talked To Walter Palmer.

135
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,054
Hello, Walter.

136
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,122
I Don't Believe It.
Veronica "Almer."

137
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,991
I'm Sorry, Palmer.
(Chuckles)

138
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,160
I Never Could Get Used To
The Way You Pronounce It.

139
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,063
Here, I Brought You A Cake
And A Jar Of Herring.

140
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,731
Maybe You Can Wait
Until I Leave

141
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,901
Before You Smear
The Cake With It.
I'm Not Dutch.

142
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,636
And The Dutch
Don't Smear Herring

143
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,171
On Half The Things
You Say They Do.

144
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,174
But Thanks For The Cake.
Is It My Birthday?

145
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,677
I Sort Of Lose Track
Of Time Down Here.

146
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,580
No, I Just Want To Say
I've Always Felt Bad

147
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,582
That We Had To Compete
For The Same Job.

148
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,383
Please, I'm The One
Who Feels Bad.

149
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,318
I've Always Hated
How I Acted

150
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:28,522
In The Bull Pen
After Losing That Promotion.

151
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,390
It Was Not
A Good Impression Of You,

152
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:33,226
And I'm Sorry
I Stretched Out Your Shoes.
Don't Worry.

153
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:36,296
They Were The Cheap Footwear
Of My Former Life.

154
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:40,033
Can I Buy You Something
To Cheer This Place Up?

155
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,869
Maybe A Lava Lamp
Or A Freezer Of Steaks.

156
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,371
(Scoffs) I'm The One
Who Feels Guilty

157
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,040
About The Way
I Handled Your Promotion.

158
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,742
Let Me Make It Up To You‐‐

159
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,911
Take You Out For A Drink
Or Something.

160
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,846
Ew.

161
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,749
Are Very Thoughtful,
But I Can't.

162
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:58,218
Oh, I Get It.
You're Still Mad At Me.

163
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,486
(Scoffs) I'm Such A Jerk.

164
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,355
And I Deserve To Carry
This Guilt Around

165
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:04,625
Back And Forth
In This Tiny Basement.

166
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:08,294
Okay, I'll Have
A Drink With You.

167
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,296
Any Chance You Have
A Bottle Down Here,

168
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,734
And We Can Just
Knock It Out Right Now?
(Sighs) Uh...

169
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,704
That Meeting Was Chaos.
I Hate All The Name‐Calling.

170
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,640
And It's Not Just Because
My Mama Isfat

171
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,141
And Does Sit
Around The House.

172
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,209
I Kind Of Like It.
It Makes People Freer‐‐

173
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,245
Like They Can Say
Whatever's On Their Mind.

174
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,715
Even Debbie Spoke Up Today,
And She Never Talks In Meetings.

175
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,051
Well, We're Not Doing It
In Here, Pudberger.

176
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,587
What?
That's His Last Name.

177
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,221
All Right,
Let's Just Try To Regroup.

178
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,791
Wait!
You Pretty‐Boy Suit Rack.

179
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:42,362
What This M.R.E. Needs
Is Ethiopian Stew.

180
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,665
It's Hearty, Nutritious
And Simple,

181
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,033
Like All Of You Bastards.

182
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,169
Debbie's Never
Opened Her Mouth Before,

183
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,572
And It Was
A Good Suggestion.
It Was A Good Idea.

184
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,373
But Then Mark Called Her
A Tory‐Loving Royalist,

185
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,475
And Everything
Fell Apart Again.
You Just Don't Like This

186
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,410
Because You Always
Have To Be In Control.

187
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:59,245
You're A Control Freak‐‐
That's What You Are.

188
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,881
I Don't Always
Have To Be In Control‐‐

189
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,816
Although, It Is
My Exact Job Description.

190
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,585
You're Tall,
You're Handsome,

191
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,520
You Got The Power Tie,
The Power Suit.

192
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:07,921
People Think
You're Intimidating, Ted,

193
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,556
And You Like That
Because It Means

194
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,658
You Get Everything You Want.
Okay, First Of All,

195
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,394
My Appearance Is Not My Fault.
God Made Me This Way,

196
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,630
And Then He Told Me
Where To Shop For Suits.

197
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,732
Ted, A Little Chaos
Can Be A Good Thing.

198
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,734
My Grandpa Met My Grandma

199
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,403
When A Tornado
Blew Her Into His Barn.

200
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:27,574
He Pulled The Rake Out Of Her
Chest And Proposed On The Spot.

201
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:31,144
We Really Should Have Been
Reading These Memos.

202
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,647
Damn! We Didn't Have To Work
On Thanksgiving?

203
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,382
And Look! Like I Suspected,

204
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,318
We Weresupposed To Be
Wearing Lead Aprons

205
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,987
When We Were Working On
That Genital X‐Ray Project.

206
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,756
Here It Is.

207
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,858
"Employees Must Now Use
Offensive Or Insulting Language

208
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,960
In The Workplace."

209
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,962
I Can Play This Game.

210
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,998
I Wrote That Humorous Column
In My College Newspaper‐‐

211
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,901
"Lem's Snappy Answers To
Theoretical Physics Questions."

212
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,071
Pow! You've Been Lem‐Basted.

213
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,140
I'm Terrible At Insults.

214
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,643
As A Child, I Was
Beaten Up Constantly.

215
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,211
The Best Comeback
I Ever Came Up With Was,

216
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,881
"You're Right.
I'll Work On That."

217
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:12,819
I Can Help You,
You Sad Jar Of Hobo Urine.

218
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:16,222
Pow!
I've Been Lem‐Basted.

219
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:24,064
Hey, Who Is That Relaxed
And Approachable Guy?

220
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,900
Is That Ted?
Why, Yes, It Is.

221
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,401
You Look Like You're
On Your Way To Mix Cocktails

222
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:29,903
At A Swim‐Up Bar.

223
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,838
Well, I‐I Was Thinking
About What You Said‐‐

224
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,675
About How I Might Seem A Little
Controlling And Intimidating.

225
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,410
So I Tell You To Take A Look
At The Way You Approach Life,

226
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,413
And You Put Different
Clothes On? What A Dill Weed.

227
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,649
And That's Not
A Company‐Mandated Insult.

228
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:45,151
That One
Came From The Heart.
Well, Come On.

229
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,988
The Clothes Are Symbolic‐‐
The First Step In Saying

230
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,990
That I'm Willing To Try
To Make A Change.

231
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,992
Actually, I Was Hoping
The Clothes Would Cover It.

232
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,160
I Had The Worst Night
Last Night.

233
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,729
Didn't You Get The Memo?

234
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,364
Casual Fribsday
Is Not Until 2024.

235
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,867
I'm Trying To Be Less
Intimidating. Apparently, My‐‐

236
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:04,671
Wow. That's The Fastest I've
Ever Lost Interest In Something.

237
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,841
I Went Out With Walter Palmer
Last Night Because Of You.

238
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,644
Me? What Did I Do?
You Started
Questioning Memos,

239
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,145
Which Brought Up All This
Itchy Guilt,

240
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,014
So I Agreed To Have
Drinks With The Guy.

241
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,250
He Told Me, After He Lost
The Promotion, His Wife Left.

242
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,353
I Felt Even More Guilty, So I
Let Him Take Me Out To Dinner,

243
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,355
Where I Learned
He Also Lost His House.

244
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:25,191
Then I Find Out He's Living
In His Parents' Basement,

245
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,294
Which Is So Damp, His Dog Got
Arthritis, Fell Down The Stairs

246
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,396
And Now Has To Be
Carried Around Like A Suitcase.

247
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,533
So I Let Him Kiss Me.
Oh, My God!

248
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,502
But Then I Still Felt Guilty,
So I Let Him Feel Me Up.
Oh, My‐‐

249
00:10:35,536 --> 00:10:37,838
Yeah. I'm Thinking
I Might Need New Breasts.

250
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,574
These Are Covered In Sadness.
Wow. This Is Like

251
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,976
The Most Depressing
"Penthouse" Letter Ever.

252
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,746
I Kept Waiting For The Guilt
To Lift, But It Never Did.

253
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,514
What Am I Gonna Do?

254
00:10:47,548 --> 00:10:50,350
Maybe I'll Buy Him A Boat.
Guys Like Boats, Right?

255
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,218
Hey, Veronica.

256
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,755
I Had A Great Time Last Night.

257
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,423
I Was Wondering If Maybe
I Could Take You To Dinner Later

258
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,225
For A Little Walter
And Veronica,

259
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,528
Version 2.0. (Chuckles)

260
00:11:01,562 --> 00:11:03,396
How Would You Like A Boat?

261
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:06,332
Something You Could Just
Get In And Go...

262
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,703
Really Shove Off...
Just Get Out Of Here.

263
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,638
Well, I Couldn't Take
A Gift Like That From You.

264
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:15,709
I'd Feel Too Guilty.
Yeah, Guilt.
What A Horrible Thing.

265
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,377
See You At 8:00.

266
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,379
Oh, And This Time,
Please Don't Say,

267
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,883
"Thank You
For Kissing With Me."

268
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,551
(Elevator Bell Dings)

269
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,590
Can You Press "10" For Me,
You Rat‐Face Nazi?

270
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,727
Your Breasts
Should Be On Display

271
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,730
At The Swiss Museum
Of Miniatures.

272
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:40,366
You Said 10, Right?

273
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,636
Before We Start, I Realize
Some People May Think

274
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:44,337
I'm Controlling
And A Little Intimidating.

275
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,907
But I Want You To Know,
All Ideas Are Welcome.

276
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:51,845
Really. I Want To Hear
From Everyone.
(Whispering)

277
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,582
Could You Repeat That In
English? I Don't Speak Wuss‐Ass.

278
00:11:55,616 --> 00:11:57,651
We're Not Doing That
In Here, Phil.

279
00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:00,320
I'm So Very Sorry. You Won't
Hear Another Word Out Of Me.

280
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,557
So Not Being Controlling
Lasted For About One Second?

281
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:06,727
I'm Sorry. The Naggity‐Nag‐Nag
Bitchy‐Bitch Is Right.

282
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,862
Anything Anyone Wants To Say
Is Fine By Me.

283
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,496
You Heard The Corporate Chimp.

284
00:12:10,531 --> 00:12:12,633
Start Making Suggestions
For Meals‐Ready‐To‐Eat

285
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:15,736
Before His Head
Goes Back Up His Butt.

286
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,838
I Like Fresh Tomatoes
Right Off The Vine.

287
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,040
Oh, Come On, Mark,
Use Your Head.

288
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,576
How Are We Gonna Get Fresh‐‐
Open Forum, Chim Chim.
Just Let The Ideas Flow.

289
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:26,880
I'm Sorry, Mark.
I'm Writing It Down.

290
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,016
Sometimes When I'm Lonely,
I Like To Watch Myself Eat.

291
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,485
Why Don't We Put
A Mirror In There?

292
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,855
You Like To
Watch Yourself Eat?

293
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,223
I'm Writing It Down.

294
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,861
I Like To Have
Some Wine With Dinner.
They're Soldiers!

295
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:43,096
Writing It Down.

296
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:51,905
I Need Your Help, Slut.

297
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,574
What's The Problem,
Tight‐Ass?

298
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:57,210
Easy, Linda. It's A Memo,
Not A Magic Shield.

299
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,980
I Need To Make A Man
Run Screaming From My Life.

300
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,749
Hmm. I'm Happy You
Came To Me For Advice,

301
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,519
But Sad This Is
My Area Of Expertise.

302
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:08,154
I Went Out Again With Walter.
Now If I Blow Him Off,

303
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,056
He'll Think That I Hurt Him
Five Years Ago,

304
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,925
Then Looked Him Up And Got Him
To Fall In Love With Me

305
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,660
So I Could Hurt Him Again.

306
00:13:13,694 --> 00:13:15,228
Plus, I Backed Over His Foot
When I Was Leaving,

307
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,330
Which, According To
Our Relationship Math,

308
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,700
Means Tonight's The Night.

309
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,869
Well, In My Experience, Scaring
A Man Away Is Pretty Easy.

310
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,371
Basically, You're Gonna
Want To Put Three Words

311
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:29,009
Into Heavy Rotation‐‐
Future, Babies, Commitment.

312
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,978
Back Off!
I Need My Space.

313
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,915
Wow, Those Words
Arepowerful.

314
00:13:41,522 --> 00:13:45,025
What Are You
Ciphering There, Jethro?

315
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,927
I've Really Enjoyed
Repeating The Put‐Downs

316
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,830
You've Been Feeding Me,
But I Want To Do It On My Own.

317
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,633
Give A Man An Insult,
He Can Hurt People For A Day.

318
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,736
Teach A Man To Insult,
He Can Hurt People

319
00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:58,872
Who Tease Him Because
He Never Learned To Fish.

320
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,341
Anyway,
I've Devised A Formula.

321
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,243
Look At That.

322
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,746
You Had A Problem In Your Life
And Who Stepped Up To Help You?

323
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:08,515
Math. She Has Always Been There
For You, Hasn't She, Phil?

324
00:14:08,549 --> 00:14:12,418
If She Ever Took Physical Form,
I'd Leave My Wife And Marry Her.

325
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,487
Stand In Line,
My Friend.

326
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,523
Anyway, It's Really
Quite Simple.

327
00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:18,892
You Take A Person's
Most Marked Physical Feature,

328
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,862
Compare It To Genitalia‐‐
Male, Female Or Animal‐‐

329
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:25,999
And End With The Suffix
"‐Bag," "‐Wipe" Or "‐Muncher."

330
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,502
You Couldalso Add An Optional
Reference To Excretion

331
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,403
From Any Of
The Glorious Openings

332
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,539
Offered By The Human Body.

333
00:14:32,573 --> 00:14:35,008
Should We
Take Her For A Spin?

334
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,977
Excuse Me, Roger?

335
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:41,047
Your Head Looks Like A Lizard
Butt Flap, You Snot Wipe.

336
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:46,486
(Both) Ooh.

337
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,254
Walter.

338
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,724
Hey... (Chuckles) It Looks Like
Somebody Can't Get Enough Of Me.

339
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:54,494
You're Right. I Can't. In Fact,
We Need To Talk About Us

340
00:14:54,528 --> 00:14:58,231
And The Future Of Our Babies
And How They'll Be Committed.

341
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:01,868
Wow, That's
A Lot To Take In. Okay.

342
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,470
I Need This Relationship
To Have A Future

343
00:15:04,505 --> 00:15:06,807
Because I Need Babies.
That's Right‐‐

344
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,309
Big, Screaming Babies
Shooting Out Of My Uterus,

345
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,245
Just Stacking Up
Like Cordwood.
Really?

346
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,215
Yes, Sir. That's
All I Ever Think About‐‐

347
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,250
The Future, Babies
And Commitment.

348
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:19,686
Future, Babies, Commitment.
Future, Babies, Commitment.

349
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,688
Commitment, Commitment,
Commitment, Commitment‐‐

350
00:15:21,722 --> 00:15:26,026
Whoa, Slow Down! This Is
Happening A Little Fast.

351
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:29,830
Okay! I'll Do It!

352
00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:32,533
Babies, Babies,
Babies, Babies‐‐
Yes!

353
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,134
As Many As You Want!

354
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,670
My Parents Always Say
That Since My Wife Left,

355
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,573
I've Been Too Cautious About
Relationships, But Damn It!

356
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,509
This Is The One.
I Know It Is.

357
00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:44,344
Let's Light This Candle
And Blast Off

358
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,981
Into A Calm, Settled,
Monogamous Relationship.

359
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:50,083
Oh, My. Look At Me.

360
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,419
I'm So Happy,
I Can't Feel My Legs.
(Sighs)

361
00:15:55,556 --> 00:15:58,391
So I Took Everyone's Ideas For
The Meals‐Ready‐To‐Eat Project,

362
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,326
And Here It Is.

363
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,829
The Specs Called For
A Soldier To Carry

364
00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:04,798
Three Of These
In His Backpack.

365
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,367
Now We Have To Design
A 14‐Foot Soldier.

366
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,869
Good News, Ted.

367
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:11,071
I Cured Walter Of
His Fear Of Commitment.

368
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,707
He Wants To Get Portraits
Painted Of The Two Of Us

369
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,844
With His Suitcase Dog,
All Wearing Turtlenecks.
Aw, Boo‐Hoo.

370
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:20,180
I've Got A Box Lunch
The Size Of A Handball Court.

371
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,348
Now I Gotta Go Find
Phil And Lem

372
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,185
And Straighten Out
This M.R.E. Disaster.
Don't "Boo‐Hoo" Me.

373
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:28,822
Did That M.R.E.
Touch Your Boobies, Ted?

374
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,924
Then Shut The Hell Up.

375
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,162
What I Didn't Know Was Phil
And Lem Weren't In The Lab.

376
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,999
They Were Having An Entirely
Different Adventure‐‐

377
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,801
Test‐Driving Their New
Insult‐Generating Formula.

378
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,636
Your Eyes Look Like
Two Beady Rabbit Pellets

379
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,205
On The Face Of
A Monkey‐Licking Pus‐Bomb.

380
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,642
You've Just Been
Phil‐Abusted.
Nice!

381
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,344
That's It‐‐Fill Up
Your Canker‐Blossomed Hole,

382
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,314
You Ale‐Soused Apple‐John.

383
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,216
Thatwas
The Elizabethan Model.

384
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,118
Ye Have Been Served.

385
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,888
(Elevator Bell Dings)

386
00:17:04,558 --> 00:17:06,359
Nice Man‐Boobs,

387
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:10,263
For A Panty‐Snatching
Steroid Muncher.

388
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,733
What's The Matter? Didn't You
Get The Memo? (Laughs)

389
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,835
No, Phil, He Didn't.

390
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,937
He Delivers The Water.
He Doesn't Work Here.

391
00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:21,341
(Crashing And Thumping)

392
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,910
(Liquid Splashing)

393
00:17:23,944 --> 00:17:25,946
(Elevator Bell Dings)

394
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,983
(Bottle Clatters)

395
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,317
(Spits And Sighs)

396
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,987
Thank God
That Finally Broke.

397
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,355
Hey, Ted.

398
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,692
I May Go Home Early Today
And Never Come Back.

399
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,261
You Can't Go Home.
I Need You Guys.

400
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:44,364
And That's It‐‐The Insulting
Language Stuff Has Got To End,

401
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,399
You Douche‐Nozzles.

402
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:50,236
Sorry.
That Was One For The Road.

403
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,506
We Just Got Ted‐Ucated.

404
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,708
Look, Janet,
It's Crazy Out There.

405
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,543
Two Of My Guys Just Got
Beaten With Water.

406
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:58,712
I'm Sorry. There's Nothing
I Can Do, Mr. Crisp.

407
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,314
I Don't Like That Memo
Anymore Either.

408
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,550
Waytoo Many People
Are Having Fun With My Name.

409
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,185
I'm Surprised
It Took This Memo

410
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,687
To Get That Train
Out Of The Station.

411
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,321
Look, I've Had
Several Complaints,

412
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:11,157
But The Company Is Not Going
To Admit It Made A Mistake.

413
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:14,494
What If It Didn't Have To
Admit It Made A Mistake?

414
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,330
What If It Could Just Say That
It‐‐It's Making A‐A New Policy,

415
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,465
Based On A Groundswell
Of Employee Opinion?

416
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:22,669
Look At That Pretty Little Head
Of Yours, Working Up Ideas.

417
00:18:22,703 --> 00:18:25,672
I'm A Fan.
Well, I Like You,
Too, Janet.

418
00:18:25,706 --> 00:18:29,142
Mm.
So We Gonna Do This?

419
00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:32,478
What Are We
Talking About, Exactly?
End This Policy.

420
00:18:32,513 --> 00:18:33,680
Oh, That.

421
00:18:33,714 --> 00:18:36,416
Well, If We Call It
A Groundswell,

422
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,418
I Think The Company
Would Go For It.

423
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,421
That Way, It Gets To
Pat Itself On The Back

424
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,658
For Listening And Being
A Great Communicationer.
You Mean "Communicator."

425
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,727
That's Not What It Says
In The Handbook.

426
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,368
(Knock On Door)

427
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,170
Hey, I Just Got This Memo.

428
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,205
We Don't Get To
Swear At Each Other Anymore.

429
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,842
It Was Due To A "Groundsmell."
Well, The Good News Is,
This Company

430
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:04,477
Does Not Squander Its Best
And Brightest Typing Memos.

431
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,080
So Is This All
Going In The M. R. E.?

432
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:11,351
Yeah. It Now Stands For
"Meal Really Enormous."
(Whispers) Oh.

433
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,154
Thisis What Happens When You
Take Everyone's Suggestions.

434
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,756
Well,
Why Did You Do That?

435
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:18,024
Because Someone I Care About
Thought I Was Controlling.

436
00:19:18,058 --> 00:19:21,762
You Care That Much
What I Think About You?

437
00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:25,098
You Aretalking
About Me, Right?
Yes.

438
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,067
(Chuckles)

439
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:30,537
So Is Any Of
This Stuff Usable?

440
00:19:30,571 --> 00:19:33,339
Yeah. Debbie's Ethiopian Stew
Is Pretty Good.

441
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,875
And‐‐And When It Hardens,

442
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,578
It Forms An Unbreakable
Arch Support In Your Foot.

443
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,412
Oh, Well, See?
There You Go.

444
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,848
All You Needed
Was One Good Idea.

445
00:19:41,882 --> 00:19:44,851
And You Got That Because You
Listened To Everyone,

446
00:19:44,885 --> 00:19:46,520
Which You Did
Because You Listened To Me.

447
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,690
In Case You Missed It,
The Lesson Here Is Listen To Me.

448
00:19:49,723 --> 00:19:52,225
What's This I'm Hearing
About Ethiopian Stew Shoes?

449
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,928
It's All They're
Talking About Upstairs.

450
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,897
Well, Speaking Of
Exciting Developments‐‐

451
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:58,699
When I Was In H. R.,

452
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:01,334
I Dug Up This Old Memo
About Your Promotion.

453
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:05,238
All The Executives
Had To Sign Off On It.
Really?

454
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:08,241
"I Know We Agreed Not To
Let Women Into Upper Management,

455
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,644
"But Veronica Palmer
Is Man‐Smart.

456
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:14,147
"And, Hello, As She Breaks
Through The Glass Ceiling,

457
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,550
We Can All
Look Up Her Skirt."

458
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,986
Oh, My God.
That Promotion Was Mine.

459
00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:22,155
I Didn't
Ruin Walter's Life.

460
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,858
(Sighs) What Is Wrong With
Those Old Farts Upstairs?

461
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,594
Seriously,
They Wrote That In 2005.

462
00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:31,031
I Am Off To Scrape Walter
Off My Shoe.

463
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,066
You May Want
To Be More Gentle‐‐

464
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,536
I Have A Hickey
On My Belly.

465
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,708
And So Veronica Went
Down To The Basement

466
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:43,844
And Broke Up With Walter.

467
00:20:43,877 --> 00:20:45,912
But Then She
Made It Up To Him

468
00:20:45,946 --> 00:20:50,083
By Giving Him
A New Aboveground Office.

469
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:53,554
Wow. (Stammers)

470
00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:56,022
Thank You.

471
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:59,860
Phil And Lem Retired
Their Insult Formula

472
00:20:59,893 --> 00:21:02,028
And Made Amends
With The Water Guy.

473
00:21:02,062 --> 00:21:04,497
(Phil And Lem Whimpering)

474
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:07,133
And Irealized Communication
Isn't Just About Talking.

475
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:09,069
It's About Listening.

476
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,004
Debbie,
I Just Wanted To Say

477
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:13,006
I Appreciated Your Work
On The M. R. E.,

478
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,975
And When It Comes To Any Other
Thoughts You May Have,

479
00:21:15,008 --> 00:21:17,578
I'm Listening.
I Think We Should
Go Out, Ted.

480
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:19,946
You Can Do
Whatever You Want To Me.

481
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:23,984
And Just Because I Listen

482
00:21:24,017 --> 00:21:26,887
Doesn't Mean I Have To Take
Every Suggestion.